Archive for the ‘babies’ category

  1. Dear New Mum, please blank the insta-fashion wankers…

    Dear New Mum, I haven’t written to you before, as I felt, since the rise of the angry mum blogger (a movement in which I’m loud and proud, New Mum), you’ve been a little bombarded with communication. Many of us have taken to the internet in collective reassurance having seen you looking pissed off in […]
  2. #MumMoron

    OK, I’ll admit it. Since having kids, I have committed many social media ‘crimes’, among them: filling my timeline with baby spam, ranting about not sleeping and of course, the biggest Internet sin, starting a mum blog (yeah, sorry about). However, in this digital age of many, many types of Internet twat, I’m very proud […]
  3. Celeb mum still to shed four whole pounds – DAYS after giving birth

    Lotta Cleevedge, star of The Only Way is Maidenhead, stunned onlookers at a shopping centre when she was spotted sporting a slightly thicker midriff – SIX DAYS after giving birth. “She had sunglasses on and was trying to hide behind a Sudocrem display at Mothercare, but it was definitely her,” said shopper Bet Judgy, while […]
  4. Obituaries: RIP My Perky Rack

    Notorious norks and one-time toast of London, My Perky Rack has died aged 31 years old. Born around 1986, My Perky Rack burst its way into the world, a budding, bouncy bosom necessitating a contortionist-like change for many a PE class. During the course of My Perky Rack’s lifetime, it attended parties, sported some nice […]
  5. MUM PLEADS GUILTY TO SHAM LIFE ON INSTAGRAM

    A mother of two from Walthamstow, east London, today admitted her life on Instagram, with over 80,000 followers, is a complete and utter lie. Before a packed forum on Mumsnet, mum Serena Dubois was forced to confess as a number of allegations were hurled at her by irate women; all very liberal with the angry […]
  6. Word to the New Mothers

    A troll once informed me, among other uglier, slightly more menacing insults, that she found my blog, glib. I’ll take that, I thought. Clearly I threaten the careers of Dear Deirdre and Dr Miriam Stoppard in no way whatsoever, but if it’s a few juvenile jokes about being a knackered mum, or much reference to […]
  7. 7 Christmas Pissers to Drive a Mum to BOOZE

    Do you sometimes find yourself a little narky this festive time of year? Hard to believe, but I know I can get a tad tetchy. I’m not talking the usual stresses here, like the pine needles filling up your Hoover bag, or trying to locate the end of the Sellotape. Years of experience and many-a […]